Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
did i just pee glitter
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
