Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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