he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
