I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
