are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
