whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
