went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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