My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
