break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
