erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
