cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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