He asked to "fluff my boner.."
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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