I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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