chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
