the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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