She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
