who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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