So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
