Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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