Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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