This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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