I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
