wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Randomize
