I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
