Define "chronic" masturbator.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
