how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
