Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
