Come see our sink grown plant.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
