craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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