3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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