You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
