apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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