Midget sex pt 2 tonight
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize