Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
