Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize