You can't motorboat a personality
Who wears a wallet chain?!
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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