I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
