your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
