the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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