That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
