maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
