yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
