benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
