I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
