I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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