I'm sorry my penis didn't work
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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