I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
