how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
