More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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