She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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