what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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