Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Randomize
