I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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