she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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