I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
