ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
