I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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