I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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