i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
