i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize