is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize