I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
