So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
