also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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