I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
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