Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
