Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
