So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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