Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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