dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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