mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
