thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
there is glitter all over my balls
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
