Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
