Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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