I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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